So I spent my weekend reading the Fifty Shades trilogy. Wow… I really don’t know where to start. I suppose why I read it is as good a place to start as any? Well I read it because I heard about it everywhere! Every time I looked at facebook there was someone getting overly excited about it, and even my local supermarket had it everywhere, so I decided that I had some time to kill and gave in and bought the first book.
It was fairly obvious that this book started its life as a Twilight fan fiction, with its supposedly average looking and clumsy protagonist, and bronze haired love interest. Sound familiar anyone? It’s even set in and around Seattle! But of course, it has nothing in common with Twilight! Not only do the two series share these in common but both Bella and Ana begin their relationships with their boyfriends by being borderline stalked by them! I didn’t realise that being completely mundane and self conscious was so endearing? Don’t get me wrong, I know that when Stephanie Mayor wrote Twilight she obviously tapped into all the insecurities that teenage girls feel in order to let them relate to her heroin, but Fifty Shades is not for teenagers!
Despite the dismal writing, and long irrelevant pointless paragraphs, and the God awful sex scenes this book has I stuck with it. I found that once it actually started going somewhere it got interesting, and the only thing to spoil it was all the sex! I understand that it was a BDSM book, and I can’t honestly say I know a great deal about that subject, but it just seemed over the top. They would have sex, go for a bath and have sex there, and then after only a short amount of time they would have sex again! The scenes would span over several pages, and I couldn’t help but think this was to pad the books out a bit. It does it in all three, more so the third.
So at the end of the first book they break up, Ana’s heartbroken and whines on like she’d known this guy her entire life! She’d only known him a few weeks! Suck it up for God sake!! They get back together and have loads of sex. By the second book I opted for skipping over the sex scenes. There is only so many times I can read “he cups my sex”, or “he reaches the apex of my thighs”. If you’re going to write raunchy books then use big girl words, it’s not like there’s a shortage of words for the Vagina is it?
When I finished the second book I went straight into the third. I felt a little apprehensive about doing so, but if I start something I try to finish it. I felt it wasn’t very substantial, all that stuck out for me is the amount of times the word “Petulant” is used. It’s not by any means the only over used word in the series, there is of course “errant child” and many, many more, but I can’t help but feel that the word “petulant”, is to E.L James what “chagrined” is to Stephanie Mayer. Maybe their publishers should buy them a thesaurus?
There was so many irritating things in this book, like Ana’s “Inner Goddess”, and her “subconscious”. I can’t help but feel maybe she has a mental disorder and should seek a stint in rehab or something? The way that Ana, Miss Sex Goddess and high and mighty Subconscious seem to argue, it’s like schizophrenia or something. Her life is dictated by the voices in her head!
It wasn’t just the amount of pages used for sex scenes that was over the top in these books, it was the extremely graphic content that got me. Most of it was fine, but some of it was repulsive! Take for instance the bathroom sex with the tampon, if my fiancée attempted to remove a tampon from me, I’d remove his fingers with a knife! Not only does she allow that and have sex with him, but she then sits in his lap after bleeding all over him! Where is your self respect woman? And the amount of times I had to read something along the lines of “I feel him insert his fingers into my sex, wiggle them about a bit and then shove them into my mouth so I can taste my own vaginal lubrication”. EW! And the amount of times it’s stated how wet she is, maybe she should consider wearing a sanitary towel full time so people don’t assume she’s a bit incontinent? And surely she would have a permanent unpleasant odour?
Over all what worries me about these books is how they make me look the women who have become obsessed with Mr Grey. They so desperately want to find a man just like him! Where is your self respect? I get that he’s dominant in the bedroom, and that can be sexy, but to try to take control over every aspect of your life? Come on! What would all the historic women say who fought for woman’s rights? Think of the Suffragettes and Amelia Earhart
All in all the books entertained me. I enjoyed reading about why Christian is the way he is, and how his character progresses but all the sex was just too much! The books didn’t need quite as much sex as that, and the books didn’t need to be as long as they are. They are an easy smutty chick lit, and they can never be considered a masterpiece. Repetitive phrasing is superfluous and only serves to showcase E.L. James lack of talent and original thought. At the end of the day it’s Twilight meets True Blood without the vampires.I’ve just been informed that Fifty Shades is getting made into a movie! Would that not be porn? What is the world coming to?
I love to read, I love getting so enthralled within a book that I will take it everywhere I go. People find this odd and I don’t understand why. For me its therapy or escapism, a way to temporarily get away from daily stress and discover another something new. I love reading a biographical book; reading someone else’s experiences and memories that are so unlike my own, or reading a classic like Lord of the Flies. I will pretty much read any genre! It’s sometimes nice to read something “easy” like my beloved True Blood series, or something that takes a bit more concentration like The Age of Innocence.
I love how reading a book can challenge your mind! I like looking for the symbolism and hidden themes in books, obviously not all books, but I enjoy when it all clicks into place and I can think “Aaaah that’s what it was getting at!”. I think that’s maybe why, Lord of the Flies is one of my all time favourite books, it has so much to offer.
I really don’t understand why a lot of people, especially younger people, view reading as something to be ashamed of, even a Taboo. I actually know people who like to read but keep it a secret in case people bully them for it! It’s a book for crying out loud! So many people are happy enough to watch, The Notebook, Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter but refuse to read the books! Why? books are nearly always better than the movie! (I loved The Notebook as a movie, struggled with the book)
I also have mild form of dyslexia and extremely poor eyesight. One of my pet hates is people who claim to not read books because of dyslexia. I know I’m lucky to have it as bad as some people, but there are so many people who use it as an excuse! I’ve got news for those people, if they even are dyslexic, reading actually helps! Although I would be lost in a world where spellcheckers didn’t exist, I still have better spelling and grammar than most. I know that reading definitely helped with this. Sure, sometimes I get my letters mixed up but at least they are the right letters! Reading has made me more aware of what words are supposed to look like and where grammar fits in!
I joined GoodReads which if you like reading I really do recommend. It allows me to keep track of the books I’ve read, review them if I feel like it and it recommends new books to you based on what you’ve read. I get lost for hours reading other peoples reviews and adding books to my “to read” list. I even set myself a reading challenge, and when I hit my goal, and most likely surpass it, I know I will have a good sense of accomplishment and pride.
Now, where did I put my Sherlock Holmes book?
I love reading. I love picking up a book (in any format.. “real” or digital) and immersing myself in a story. But for as long as I can remember there has been this negativity to reading books. Some people look at you funny if you say you’ve read a book that isn’t Harry Potter or Twilight. I remember one particular day, a group of bullies started picking on me for reading a book. OK, so it was a Star Wars book. But that’s besides the point. To me, reading is something I enjoy.. I’m constantly learning new words (made all the easier by my beloved Kindle) and I’m just learning things. It’s an adventure! It’s knowledge!
So here I am, taking a break from work contemplating which book I want to read next. And I’ve decided to set myself a Reading Challenge. I want to read 20 books this year. But I hope to exceed this! According to goodreads (add me!) I read more than 20 books last year, that I kept track of anyway. A couple of books on my reading list:
- The Handmaid’s Tale
- Percy Jackson.. all of them!
- Jurassic Park
- Nancy Drew Files (I got about 20 of them for Christmas)
- The Walking Dead Omnibus Volume 3
- V for Vendetta
- The Book Thief
- Professor Stewart’s Hoard of Mathematical Treasures
- Game of Thrones
- Sherlock Holmes (I’ve read up to the Adventures of Sherlock Holmes)
- The Adventures of Robin Hood
- Beauty and the Beast
- Assassin’s Creed Brotherhood and Renaissance
OK.. the list could go on and on. I’ve noticed keeping track of the books I’ve read on goodreads gives me an amazing sense of accomplishment and pride. I pride myself on being able to read, spell and use grammar correctly. And I honestly have no idea why people are against this?! What infuriates me is when people use dyslexia as an excuse. An amazingly good friend of mine is dyslexic and I think she probably reads more than me! I’m so proud of that! She’s not one of the many people who don’t know their alphabet or can’t spell because they’re lazy and claim they’re dyslexic. How hard is it to pick up a book? When did it become uncool to be smart?
Excuse me whilst I go bury myself in bed with A Game of Thrones.
How fantastic would my life be if I had the patience and/or talent to actually do something like this? (A: ENTIRELY FANTASTIC)
The other day I did something that I really enjoy doing, but don’t make the effort to do very often. I went to a comedy gig. In the past I’ve been to a few, and Russell Howard had to be top of the list…Until now! Don’t get me wrong, Russell Howard, in my opinion, is one of the funniest men on the planet, but there was just something about being in the audience for Daniel Sloss.
The tickets were ver
y reasonably priced at £8 each. I had bought four. One for myself, obviously, one for my boyfriend and one each for my two best friends as part of their Christmas presents. For one of my friends this was pretty much her introduction to comedians. Luckily it was a good first impression.
The show opened with Daniel’s warm up act, Kai Humphreys. I’ll be honest, I hadn’t expected much from him. I knew who he was and I follow him on twitter, but as far as him as an act went I knew nothing. All I can say is I had trouble keeping my spleen intact as I laughed so hard! If I came across him doing a solo gig I would definitely go. He was consistently funny through his entire set! The minute he did his “battle rap” bit, I was literally falling off my chair from laughing. He was hysterical!
A short while after, Kai finished his set, Daniel came on. Immediately he interacted with the audiance and had us all rolling around in our chairs. I couldn’t help but be impressed by his wit, his rapport with his audience and ability to know when to skip to the next joke. I had never laughed so much in my entire life, by the end my cheeks (facial) were practically begging for him to get off stage they were in that much pain! Unlucky for him he did an encore. It was hysterical! Kai joined him on stage and they battle rapped. The Scottish accent is not best suited for rapping! I would have paid £8 to watch that alone!
I think it is fair to say that, Daniel is undeniably talented for his age and it’s great to see him rise as a comedy act. I first started laughing at him in 2009 when I seen him appear on the Paul O’Grady show. It was fantastic to finally be able to see him live, he did not disappoint. I’d recommend him to anybody! He also gives out “free hugs” at the end of his act. He gives a decent hug!
I want to defriend you, but your pictures and status updates help me feel better about myself.